Canterbury Easter Festival 2007
Report & Photo Gallery

07/09-April

Canterbury Easter Festival
Polo Farm Sports Club
Littlebourne Road, Canterbury, Kent CT3 4AF

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Tour Report

Friday / Saturday / Sunday / Monday

Canterbury Easter Hockey Festival 2007 - The team:
MJ (GK), Jonny Kirby, James Kirby, Mike 'Hogger' Selby, Gareth Norris, Ross McArdell, Scott McArdell, Will Kirby, Cat Dwyer, Ellie Gardener, Hannah Browster & Aimee Tilley. <<<

Another Easter tour and the successes just keep on coming. Having competed with a mixed team in both the Mixed competition and the Ladies Cup (they were short of Womens' teams) the final standings saw the Hornets walk away as runners-up for the Mixed Plate and 4th place for the Ladies Cup. Such was the Hornets impact that the Team of the Festival award came home to the virtual trophy cabinet! The results from the weekend are below:

• Mixed Pool: vs. Brighton Uni W3-1 (Hogger, Cat, Ellie)
• Mixed Pool: vs. GNT W5-2 (Nozza x2, Will x2, Cat)
• Mixed Pool: vs. TMTP W7-3 (Ellie x2, Nozza x2, Will x2, Johnny)
• Mixed Pool: vs. Confessors D0-0
• Mixed Final: vs. Team Bath Buccs L0-1

• Ladies Cup: vs. Brighton Bangers W5-2 (Ellie x3, Cat, Hannah)
• Ladies Cup: vs. Ladies of Wessex W5-0 (Ellie x2, Cat x2, Tilley)
• Ladies Cup: vs. Grinders W4-3 (Cat x2, Ellie, Hannah)
• 3rd/4th Play-Off: vs. Top Dogs L0-2

The Mixed Plate final saw the Hornets camped in the Bath students' half and a host of chances went begging. Despite the complete dominance it was beyond the Hornets to get the elusive goals needed. Still a qualified success for 2007 and it is only the first tour this year. <<<

----- Friday -----

All the Hornets managed to rack up for the first game against Brighton Uni. at 12.00pm and Hannah, Ross and Scott even managed to get the flash Gazebo up without the instructions after a lot of discussion. It had been an early start for the West Country Hornets, with the London based ones getting a nice lay-in. With half the camp set up it was time to play our first game, some of us having consumed a cheeky purple beforehand…we were on tour again!

Mixed Pool: vs. Brighton Uni W3-1 (Hogger, Cat, Ellie) - MJ faithfully donned George's goalie kit and much to the relief of the other Hornets stayed in it for the rest of the weekend. There would be no one handed runs down the right hand side of the pitch on this tour...although Hogger had a go a couple of times I'm sure. James's mate from Leicester appeared for the opposition who according to James was 'rather good at hockey!' Despite this fact Brighton only managed to slip one passed Jones much to everyone's amazement, think it also helped having Ross at the back too. As you will come to read, our scoring ratio is particularly pitiful, however in this game, Hogger, Cat and Ellie all managed to get themselves off the mark with one each making them all top tour goal scorers after the first game and Cat was ever closer to catching up to the Irish fatty who had so far failed to put in an appearance.

With that, it was the first game over and not a bad first performance for the Hornets considering it had been a while. It was such a joy not to have to worry who was being picked on to do the umpiring as all umpires were provided by the club…a joy (despite a certain few being particularly crap!) With a lovely 3-hour gap till our next game, the Hornets completed making camp and discussed tactics for sneaking all the masses of purple making ingredients into camp passed the security guards! Elli and Tilley managed this successfully by filling all their remaining camping gear with beer and cider and nonchalantly strolled passed the security guards with their goods practically dragging along the floor.

Ladies Cup: vs. Brighton Bangers W5-2 (Ellie x3, Cat, Hannah) - Brighton Uni again, only this time just the ladies and after they had managed to consume large quantities of purple. In good faith the Hornets launched all the girls up-front (all 4 of us!) leaving the boys to swan around and flirt with the girls (apart from Hogger and dynamo Will - the only 2 singles outfield I might add, apart from Scott that is.) The boys gave the oppo ample opportunities to try and score against MJ - who was so far looking a little bit too much like a normal keeper. The girls played well up front with Ellie netting another 3 goals to add to her growing tally, one an absolute corker and Cat getting her second of the tour and even Hannah scraped a deflection off the inside of the keepers leg to score a goal. (Own goals don't count! - MJ)

With hockey done for the day it was time to get down to some serious drinking. Herman the German, one of James’s mates arrived so drinking partners were duly allocated, with team Kirby doing just what it says on the tin - comprising of the whole Kirby clan and Herman the German being put on Hoggers team so to introduce him to the art of drinking games properly. Needless to say, poor old Herman the (acceptance) German suffered such and was rather smashed in a very short space of time, as was his unfortunate drinking partner.

A few hours into the drinking the Hornets challenged the local youth camp to a game of stumps. The kids having never played it before the Hornets should have seized the opportunity and given them a good shoeing… however, the Hornets are obviously not so sharp as they used to be and after Ross collapsed in a heap on the floor and James took out one of the tents in the neighbouring camps, the youth prevailed and the Hornets were beaten at the only thing we used to be good at…lucky we've got a bit better at hockey really. The only consolation was that we recognised one of the youths from Stratford last year - who after plying him with copious amounts of drink was banned from Stratford…unlucky!

It started to get a bit chilly outside so we headed off up to the marquee where we met up with Toria and Becs and their team Saga Tours. Becs provided some on stage entertainment with a gymnastics floor routine, followed by some Irish dancing from Hogger and Cat. James, not to be outdone the caterpillared his way round the stage and had some nice carpet burns to show for his entertainment commitment!

James and Jonny decided to give Wobbles some friendly fashion advice after he came out sporting some delectable jeans and proceeded to rip them to shreds... literally! Gareth finally decided to show up and was welcomed by the Hornets with open arms… and a pint of snakebite over his head as a present from James. With that, the evening gradually descended into the usual antics of some attempted dancing (which mainly consisted of Tilley and Hogger giving lunging demonstrations) and James deciding to run headlong into one of the pallet piles on the floor and grazing his face and hurting his neck. Scott ended up asleep on a pile of pallets with girls practically dancing on his head… if only he’d stayed awake!

By this point it was almost the end of the night but we all got a rather nasty shock when we got back to the tents when they were all frozen - it's cold darn sarf y'know! Some members of the camp decided to exclaim about this for about 10 minutes and then we all piled into the tents with at least 2 to a tent to huddle for warmth! <<<

----- Saturday -----

Despite the sub-Arctic temperatures of the night before... amazingly, the Hornets were all out of bed and bacon-buttied-up with plenty of time to spare before the first game.

Ladies Cup: vs. Ladies of Wessex W5-0 (Ellie x2, Cat x2, Tilley) – This team were either still battered from the night before or had been heavily drinking in the morning already, I reckon probably both! They had one really good girl in the middle that despite being wasted was still really good at hockey. The game was preceding nicely, goals galore for the girls and then Ellie realised that her cousin was on the pitch and the two enjoyed the rest of the game by having a nice little catch up chat! A thoroughly enjoyable game all round.

We had quite a huge gap between our games so as per the usual, we stocked up on purple ingredients from the local Aldi and then started to drink... and eat lots of crisps - while MJ (enjoying this goalie malarky0 decided to pimp his average skills round the other teams.

Mixed Pool: vs. GNT W5-2 (Nozza x2, Will x2, Cat) – Back to our roots for this game... GRASS - the great leveller and probably very helpful as the opposition team were a little bit on the keeno side. Luckily, with a defence of Scott, Ross and Hannah, even the keenest of players found it difficult. It was decided that the Irish potato (Nozza) had scored too many goals and was duly given a large shot of Gin after his second goal by the opposition! Dynamo Will continued to score many a goal and equalled the opposition on keenness! And again, Cat was luckily stationed on the post to deflect in one of the boys whacks from across the D. Needless to say, the Hornets were very impressed at their performance so far and could almost feel a Guildford Trophy re-enactment coming on… but it wasn't quite on the cards!

With another big gap between games on offer the team took this time to stock up on purple supplies and headed off to watch Toria and Bec's team... with Cat honouring the side as super-Hornet sub. We enjoyed a nice game of "oh hell" whilst Hogger and Tilley played bat and ball. We continued to drink and enjoy the entertainment until it was time for our final game on the water based that was bloody miles away at the far end of the site.

Ladies Cup: vs. Grinders W4-3 (Cat x2, Ellie, Hannah) – This game was against Basildon Ladies and boy did they have the scariest looking keeper I’ve ever seen! Needless to say, the girls were not intimidated and got stuck in getting a hatful of short corners and actually scoring from a couple this time. Ross and Scott met up with an old associate Jo who they let take pot-shots at the goal all game. She didn’t score any, but a couple of her mates had some lucky shots in target. The Hornets continued to get short corner after short corner with some good play by Hogger and Tilley in the middle working up the pitch well to get to Hannah, Ellie and Cat stood waiting for their chances. During the second half, when the score was very close, Gareth managed to get himself sent off for illegal stopping of the ball on short corners…Gareth, How could you be so stupid!? Luckily, the rest of the well-behaved Hornets managed to stick it out through to rest of the game to secure another win, not thanks to the potato king!

With that we were finished for another day and set about drinking our fresh supplies of purple dry. When it got chilly, we headed off to the bar and had a nice cosy-up by some heaters. We enjoyed a game of cricket but unfortunately for Ross, he was paired with Will who, after a couple of shots of Ouzo from earlier (woofter pops being banned of course) was not exactly on the planet. It got so frustrating for some (MJ) that he wrote the 6 times tables down for Will and he still couldn’t manage to keep up. This being too complicated, we resorted to the matchbox game which, for Will, was not too successful either. Needless to say within a short space of time, Ross was running from the room with a need to make more space in his tummy. By this point the Hornets started to flag a bit. What was needed was more purple so Scott, Ross and Hannah went off to refill the jerry can. On the way back, realising that they’d upped the security somewhat, we had to stealthily pass the purple-nectar under the marquee and pick it up the other side, very mission impossible!

Whilst we had been gone, MJ had noticed that Gareth had neglected to wear the appropriate Hornet attire for the evening and was given an hour to get his tour shirt on otherwise a pint downer fine would be inflicted. The games continued until Gareth, suddenly realising he only had 7 minutes remaining, raced off to get his gear on. Unfortunately for Gareth he met the umpire who’d sent him off earlier on the way back, who obviously wanted a little chat and to introduce Gareth to his lady friend. This was all pure coincidence of course and none of the other Hornets were involved in a Shandy-type-duping-exercise. Gareth missed his deadline and was therefore fined accordingly. With this the Hornets seemed to wake up a bit, James had drunk enough alcohol to stop feeling sorry for himself and whining about his injuries caused from the previous nights antics. About this time, Ellie’s cousin reappeared with her very ginger boyfriend (must be something that runs in their family)! Ellie suggested a couple’s boat race - which was accepted by all except Ross, so Scott had to stand in for him. Everyone grasped the concept of this game apart from Ellie’s cousin who instead of consuming the purple thought it would be much better to throw it in her boyfriend’s face, which resulted in much stinging of the eyes! With that it was pretty much the end of the night, we were shooed from the bar area and so moved into the marquee where Tilley, Ellie and Hogger had a dance on the pallet piles doing gymnastic leaps between the piles and Scott managed the old switcheroo with someone else’s watering can to ensure we had enough purple for the end of the evening. It wasn’t long before the evening was over again and we headed back to camp for another cold night. <<<

----- Sunday -----

Again the Hornets managed to scrape themselves out of bed in good time from what I remember. Some buggers had nicked our gazebo so we marched over there and retrieved it…bloody students!

Mixed Pool: vs. TMTP W7-3 (Ellie x2, Nozza x2, Will x2, Johnny) - I can’t really remember much of this game but the oppo must have been a bit rubbish for us to put 7 goals passed them first thing in the morning. This actually put us in a very good position for the afternoon though only needing a draw to make the final…would you believe that!

Ladies Cup 3rd/4th Play-Off: vs. Top Dogs L0-2 – I’d like to say that we let this team win, but unfortunately they were really rather good. Most of the boys spent quite a lot of time ogling some of the opposition whilst Hannah missed several open goal opportunities passed her way from Scott. Jonny put in some dodgy tackles as per the usual and Gareth actually worked quite hard at the back once.Having played over 12 hours in goal by this point - resident Hornet grandad - MJ found that he was less than mobile... which gave the oppo strikers a distinct advantage! All this meant we didn’t finish top of the ladies group so were into the 3rd and 4th team play off.

So up next was the game that was crucial for the Hornets, not only on the show pitch - just outside the clubhouse - but we had to draw or win to get through to the final. The only way to settle our nerves was to have a few pints of purple in the sunshine before the game.

Mixed Pool: vs. Confessors D0-0 – This was probably the tensest and best games we played all tour. We had to draw, they had to win to get through to the final. I was too busy concentrating on not letting people try and get passed me to watch everyone else really but everyone put in 100% and played out of their skin to keep the opposition from scoring. MJ made some great saves and Will even threw himself on the floor in commitment hurting his shoulder. He was still well enough to come back on before the end of the game though. Ross had his work cut out with a rather fancy player who was dirty as hell, but he met his match with Ross and was never really too much of a threat…thankfully! Everyone was clock watching and as the final whistle blew I’m sure there was an enormous sigh of relief from most of the Hornets…however, mostly because the hockey was over for the day!

We all trooped back into the bar area to see where we’d finished, top on goal difference or by a point or something…either way our work was done for the day and it was time to get smashed. Who cared about the final in the morning, we had loads of booze left to drink. We toddled down to our 3rd and 4th team play off where the team asked if we would mind not playing the game to which the Hornets heartily agreed and went off back to camp to start the final night’s proceedings. We had grown a couple of Brighton Uni students, Dave and cling-on Dave who were punished for being lousy at the games by Ouzo and strawberry vodka shots. We then set on with the dice game, with partners as always. Hannah was on Hogger’s team who were straight in jail. Hannah didn’t manage much more of the game before needing to make space and when she got back, poor Hogger was seriously suffering! We decided to head up to the marquee early before it got too cold and to get a good table, so armed with vast amounts of purple we headed on up. Scott spent the evening sharking Saga tours, first it was Ethel, then Dot and then he ended up with the sober one! Gareth found there was much fun to be had from a broken hula hoop when he realised it was the perfect implement for lifting up girls skirts - surprising he didn't spend more time lifting shirts! The Hornets then ruled the dance floor for the rest of the night with frequent trips back to the car park to keep the alcohol flowing. We had a new drink for the evening, purple with pernod in it…nice! Our final batch of purple tasted slightly unusual of which it was later found that team Ireland had put in all of our remaining booze, I must say, strawberry vodka tastes delicious with snakebite. After repeated hasseling the DJ eventually put on "Gold" and the Hornets gathered round and swayed in a big circle trying to remain standing and not spill any beer. The night ended with a classic Take That song and with that we knew tour was almost over... but that still didn’t stop us heading back to camp and Jonny launching himself at James and Hogger sat on a chair…sad to say that the chair broke and they all ended up rolling around on the floor. <<<

----- Monday -----

I don’t know about anyone else but by the final morning after the previous night’s boogieing my body had seized up and I was feeling rather old. We donned our kit and were ready almost in time for the start of the final… they had to put it on first didn’t they - well before midday! MJ’s mum and dad turned up for support and to take all important photographs... rumour has it that they even videod the match - watch our YouTube.com!

Mixed Final: vs. Team Bath Buccs L0-1 - This was probably one of the worst games of hockey either team had played all weekend. Scott pretty much had to play single handed against the opposition and seemed to be everywhere on the pitch. Buccs were a good side and probably should have shooed us in the first half. In the second we pulled it together a bit and had plenty of opportunities to score we couldn’t quite manage it and eventually we let the one goal slip. Runner up first time in the tournament…you gotta be pleased with that! Although, despite being under the cosh in the first half, the second saw the Hornets have more "Chances" than a game of Monopoly! Still even a runners-up spot is something the Hornets can covet!

After this we were pretty much all shattered so headed back to camp to pack up. With all the button tents this only took a very small amount of time and we’d done in time to watch the men’s final. We stayed around for the presentation just in case we got something for being runners up. It’s a good job we did because not only did we get a bottle of champers for coming runners-up, but we ended up bringing home the Team of the Tournament award for our sporting play and for filling in for the errant ladies team that had dropped out last minute. The true Hornet spirit was rewarded.

Feeling most pleased with ourselves we headed into Canterbury for the normal end of tour meal gracing one of the local Wetherspoons with our presence. Once the meal was over, or for some 2 meals, we said our goodbye’s and headed off back to the real world and an early night before work the following day.

Many thanks to all those who were there and to MJ for organising, and a small thanks to myself (Hannah) for coming up with Canterbury in the first place which turned out to be a really well organised and good tour! Next year we'll take the top spot! <<<

The full results were as follows:

Canterbury Tour	P	W	D	L	Diff	Pts
Hornets	9	6	1	2	+15	19

So congratulations to the Hornets for another memorable and trophy-securing tour. Thanks to everyone that came along and don't forget to sign up and pay for Guildford asap... <<<

Hannah Browster & MJ
15-May-06