Folkestone 2003
Easter Festival Tour
Report & Photo Gallery
18 - 21 April
The Pavillion, County Ground
Cheriton Road,
Folkestone, Kent
CT19 5JU
Tour Report
Friday / Saturday / Sunday / Monday
So the squad for the Folkestone 2003 tour was as follows: Andy Rogers (GK), MJ, Gareth Norris, Jon 'Camel' Kirby, Simon Riley, Aidan Brock, Potty, Melanie Carosi, Yeng, Catherine, Suzy & Jules. Two new members joined for this tour: Hannah Browster & Kate Whitaker - both of whom got into the hornets spirit with virtually no hesitation whatsoever! <<<
----- Friday -----
The planning had been put in place for early morning departures on the Friday to arrive at the Folkestone hockey festival for 10:30am, and at 10:35 we arrived, another victory in organisation - despite Andy Potapa's failure to turn up for pre-tour drinks on Thursday evening for being too drunk!
On the way down there was the obligatory stop for the motorway fry-up and Simon Riley demonstrated a bizarre eating ritual that can only be described as very worrying - eating the white around the precious yolk which was saved until last.
The sun was shining as the Hornets slowly gathered from their tour hibernation. And so it began by the first of Gareth's Stella's being cracked open to warm up those tired limbs. Our first game would be played on the assigned pitch by the 'next to the astro' according to the organiser. After an unusually long warm up, much head scratching and serious lack of opposition, MJ shot off to the clubhouse to see what the hell was going on. A few minutes later a rather red-faced captain came dashing back from the clubhouse. "We're not playing on this pitch - it's the other 'next to the astro' one". The Investigation that ensued revealed a break down in arm-pointing-communication - the old dear in the clubhouse had pointed the wrong way. yeah, whatever! Marvellous, the Hornets were here and Elvis had left the building.
The team ambled off to the correct pitch and set about dispatching the oppo in slightly less than the allotted time. What followed was the first of many dazzling and uncharacteristic displays. Hornets vs Rim'Jaw W4-2 (Potty x3, Kirby). The match looked like the Blind 100m with everyone randomly running in the wrong direction. Early signs were pointing to that familiar Hornet style. Jon 'The Camel' Kirby hitting the corner flags and Norris turning on a clover only to see the ball trickle of the end of his reliable reverse stick. But the morale didn't dip, the defence looked impregnable with Jesus in goal and Aido (Brian once the beers set in!) at its heart, and so confidence grew. Mel and Yeng provided their usual on-pitch telepathy, while Catherine provided her deceptive width and before Potty had even touched a drop of purple Nasty he'd fumbled in a hat-trick to the cries of "jug" - just as well because you have to get value out of him early on tour - three hours into the weekend he would be out for the count, the ginger Prince would be Lord of the Purple. Half time was blown and the hornets were in unfamiliar territory cruising with a three goal lead in the first game and Potty still on the pitch.
The Second half saw us take the foot off the accelerator and those baby faced college kids showed off their fitness if not their footing. Two well taken goals brought them close to our lead but the oppo had chosen their names well. Their striker was called Superman and without studs he flew across the pitch - sadly for him it was uncontrollably on his ass most the time! However nothing could stop a beautifully crafted team goal, the Dutch contingent (had they made the journey) would have been proud, as Kirby capped off some wonderful team hockey to bang in the forth. Riley and MJ bickered over one of Mark's more creative one armed, mistimed tackles, and before we could make our victory more crushing. the first game was over. Kate Whitaker (MJ's cousin. yes another one!) and Hannah Browster (from City of Bath HC), the newest members of the team, had their first experience of Hornet hockey in its purest form. It was all too much to take in; we headed straight to the bar to celebrate. Could this be our year?
Could be... but first off to check into the hotel. This place was an absolute find. Only 10mins walk down the road from the festival ground and with the most amenable hosts you could hope for - and only £20 a night. Everyone piled into the place and made their introductions. Having allocated the rooms - ie. made sure that no-one was lumbered with Kirby, Norris or Potty apart from Kirby, Norris & Potty - the team shot off to check out their rooms. all apart from Melanie Carosi who immediately ran off to Potty's bed and jumped on it - the bed was having none of this and immediately took it upon itself to break! Fortunately, Brian (the hotel owner) fancied himself as a presenter in 'DIY SOS' and pulled an electric drill out of the cupboard. "Don't worry, I can fix anything me!" Ha! Best of luck mate!
And so, having checked in - and demolished - the hotel it was back to the festival to shoo our next victims. Something went very wrong. It could've have been the team eating too many Shredded Wheat or lack of random drugs tests prior to the game but we bloody well won again! Cheeky Monkey's vs Hornets W2-4 (Riley x2, Kirby, Mel). Despite the score we did let them get in the lead a couple of times before we turned it on. It was like teasing a small animal - cruel but oh, so much fun! Riley wandered around doing very little but jab tackles and scoring. Kate began to grow in confidence and occasionally took the ball rather than just flattening whoever came near her. Gareth was depressing in his ability to consistently miss the target - which after betting Aido cost him a purple when he failed to convert any of the 20+ chances he hamptoned up! Fortunately, Kirby hit from range and Melanie converted a simple tap-in. Two from two. six points and nothing to do but drink for the rest of the day - woo hoo. This was to have been our only astro game but that would suit the Hornets as our real skill lay in shouting 'bobble' when someone tries to stop the ball on grass.
Back to the bar it was then. The place was looking very crowded - but then this was a hockey festival wasn't it. Then about 2 hours into the drinking some strange behaviour started creeping in. The other teams were going home and getting changed into their posh clothes. schoolboy(girl) error! The hornets drank through - yes, even Yeng - and then drunken spilled purple on all of them. Oh well, maybe they'll learn by tomorrow night! Then again, maybe they wont. It was time to play drinking games - of course with no pointing or pinky's- and to introduce the masters - thumb-master, disco-master, freeze-master & standing-on-the-chair-master. The usual classics came out Cookies, the matchbox game, the name game and bunnies. this was going to be a very messy night.
Fortunately, the evening went off without a hitch - well sort of. The DJ took an instant shine to the Hornets and even took over custody of our tour CD to ensure that we got the tunes that we wanted and when we wanted them this was going to be a 'Gold'en night!!! Although, Potty did choose to throw a little strop and had to be escorted home before he was beaten to death. thankfully Hannah was on hand to take him back and Yeng was there to protect him on the dancefloor. No matter how close the Hotel was a taxi was still well worth the £3.60. <<<
----- Saturday -----
Early start - well not compared to Bournemouth as there wasn't lots of shouting nor an international flight taking off nearby! But the team - well some of them - were up and ready for the chirpy breakfast chat and a hearty fry-up. The forecast had predicted that the weather wouldn't be too bad, it wasn't quite right as it was bloody cold - not too bad for those who had more than one tour shirt to put on! MJ decided to be slightly creative with the time and tell everyone that the first game was at 10am. So having arrived at the pitch at the given time - although in reality, over 2.5 hours early it was time to hit the bar while the umpiring duties were sorted out. Bizarrely, this resulted in the team's first trophy for the weekend.
It had to happen and it did - Norris broke his duck and Jules & Suzy turned up. Seems only fitting that it was our only loss during the whole weekend. This game was like losing your virginity, fun at first but disappointing once it was over. A&C Flames vs Hornets L1-2 (Norris). It was a good goal, virtually ripping out the backboard as Gareth put his weight behind it - well it would wouldn't it. The opposition were bolstered by having a wendy house - with three people inside - in goal. They were relatively safe unless they stumbled out to near the corner flag. Catherine had a few shots that didn't quite trouble the keeper and Simon Riley seemed to have caught Norris disease. All in all it was a poor result spurred on with help from an old guy representing the 'Stevie Wonder school of umpiring' disallowing a perfectly good Riley shot. Suffice to say that Jon was on his usual stunning form and lost the ball through the fence after a poorly timed and appallingly aimed drive. Hannah played a blinder - must have got her stick the right way round this time. Good play from Andy kept us in the game, but then he was left exposed while we pushed for the winner - which we didn't get! Aidan scored with seconds left but it was disallowed for begin raised from a short - gutted. but he should've known better (thank you Richard Marx) and rattled the backboard.
Still, only one thing to do. back to the bar - get the purple's flowing and wait for Suze & Jules to get back from checking into the hotel. They had bunk beds. we'll first come first served. If you turn up to tour late you have to play with the cards you're dealt! Only a short break in between games but with the weather this cold it was definitely worth sinking a few warming purples.
One of the saddest things you can do in life is only drawing with a team made up from employees of Saga Holidays - the 'Granny Break' kings must've thought that all their Christmas' had come at once! It was a spawny draw that we were in danger of losing until Norris' ability score came back allowed us to claim a draw. In the end, however, it became a game with more recorded goals than an HR Database. Saga Schor vs Hornets D3-3 (Norris x2, Riley). As usual Riley was there to claim the 'tubby tap-in' award. This day was not shaping up as well as yesterday. must be the drinking. there wasn't enough of it going on! There Hornets weren't short of chances - in fact the last time we'd had that many chances Fred West could still enter a full team on Family Fortunes. In fact even Gareth had found his scoring boots in time to score a brace - another attempt at umpiring supremacy saw a disallowed goal. a decision that was deftly ignored - what the fuck do umpires know anyway?
With the games all finished it was time to show why the Hornets rock the Drinking game scene. With randoms (eg. Gary) joining in and suffering the consequences. The usual suspects were dragged out - the Cookie game, the Matchbox game, Hello Jon etc. along with the other core tour drinking rules such as clock-hand drinking, no pointing and the various 'masters': thumb, geneade, freeze, dancing-on-the-chair & disco. Suffice to say that after about 2 hours everyone was well set up for the rest of the night. Especially Melanie who was setting a ginger trap. The DJs obliged the Hornets again - maybe thanks to Kate - and finished up the night by playing a slightly dodgy version of a dance classic. Fat Boy Slim vs Mark 'Tom' Jones with Rockerfella Skank. With the night ended it was time for the Hornets - who had slightly swollen in numbers by acquiring an extra ginger - to make their way back to the hotel ready for the next days games. <<<
----- Sunday -----
No game until 1.30 today and no Norris at breakfast again! Maybe he was pining for something. perhaps falling asleep reading 'Treasure Island' two nights running had tired out the poor little fatty. After an early breakfast there was time to shoot back off to bed to watch 'The Premiership', 'Popzone' & the Hollyoaks omnibus. That said, all that bed-lazing would make the last night of tour one to remember as it ensured the stamina needed to go through the night. even Yeng & Kate would be able to drink until closing and dance until dawn! Who's Dawn? And keep her away from Potty!
Having bragged in the bar last night how they were undefeated, the opposition must have gutted when the final whistle went! The game was like a child's Christmas present - exactly what was wanted and wrapped up early! Hornets vs Margos Landed W7-0 (Riley x3, Aido x2, Norris, Carosi). The Hornets were as solid at the back as a poor 80s hit from Ashford & Simpson. Melanie's slow-motion runs and deft stick skills were rewarded with a back post tap-in. It was another all round team performance that was finely capped off by Yeng getting wasted by a 14 year old, while Gareth body-checked (or belly butted if you prefer) one of their players and nearly knocked him into the next field! It was at this point that Aidan chose to demonstrate why he is as deadly up front as he is in defence by a well taken brace.
Popping back to the bar it was up to the control room for MJ & Kirby for the Captain (& Vice) free wine reception! Kirby managed to secure another trophy for the Hornets, which he sadly managed to lose this within the hour. He left it on a table while the next game was played - strange how it wasn't there when the team came back to the bar. Still they're not used to things of value on the Isle of Wight.
With the loss of a trophy still imminent it was back to the pitch. This game was like an art contest between Tony Hart & Rolf Harris - it was always going to be a draw! Ashford vs Hornets D2-2 (Norris, Dwyer). A dull game with a dull result - still if there were points and a board it would be, rather obviously, points on the board. Still Kate played a blinder and Catherine, who had previously been suffering from a bad case of Norris, managed to finally bag a goal. If we had a most improved player award, which we don't, then Catherine would have won it, but she didn't. With some brilliant tackling and individual skills she single-handedly turned a lot of games. That said she still needs to learn to stop the Riley exocet - as does the rest of the team!
The result was nearly a loss for the Hornets as some creative umpiring disallowed our second goal for being off. "bolloxs to that" (although it was true). It was such a good Jones-one-handed/Norris-half-volley combo that the umpire was overruled and the goal stood. Having worked up a thirst it was time to hit the bar again.
As the team drank the rain began to fall - not that much of a problem unless you are drinking outside. Although, someone had a pint of 'keen' and volunteered the team for another match! It was time for some revenge. Having been beaten by the A&C Flames it was time to teach them why hockey was invented in Anglia - the game was more one-sided than a War against the French. A&C Flames vs Hornets W0-4 (Norris x3, MJ pf). Despite the result and the goal hanging it coiuld have been a lot more. Hannah, Gareth & MJ took turns to miss in the most embarrassing manner. even Mark's Pflick was a lucky score. Still 60minutes later a lesson had been swiftly taught to the Flames and as good students of hockey they had learnt to fear the ability of the Hornets!
The last night of tour was upon us and it was School disco night. The whole team went home and got changed. he he he did they bollocks, only Julie & Suzy fell into that trap the rest just donned school shirts & ties over their tour shirts!
Sunday night nearly turned into anarchy when the bar announced that it had run out of Cider!! Fortunately, the West Country orientated members of the Hornets had come well prepared with a back up supply of Blackthorn and Diamond white!!! This kept the flow of Purple Nasty flowing for a few more hours until, even worse, the bar ran out of Lager. With so many undesirables (ie Dutch) trying to get into the clubhouse it seemed only fitting that the hardest drinking team in Christendom helped out by working the door. With Hornet bouncers on the case it was assured that virtually anyone could be turned away for no apparent reason, fined a drink to pass or have their hands slammed in the door for the pure joy of the inflicting pain!!
As the last night was drawing to a close - which was just as well as the bar was nearly dry - the Hornets were officially awarded their first ever trophy. Crowned as team of the festival the team were presented with a jug of beer (the dregs of what was left!) to the tune of 'The Life of Riley'. Simon's anthem heralded both our success and the end of the night. <<<
----- Monday -----
As usual the last day had come around too fast for everyone. Thoughts turned to whatever pathetic and unrewarding jobs people were returning to on the Tuesday - those that weren't driving home planned a few beers for the day while the rest desperately tried not to think about the drive back. Still before that happened everyone had to actually get out of bed and go and play another game. Gareth - who ad decided that his stomach would win out over his laziness - for breakfast, joined the usual early risers. Once again Brian chose to regale everyone with tales of Christian Aid and Kuwait, sadly the response was a little subdued due to the wait of three days hangovers combined into one beaut. Breakfast demolished it was time to return to bed to prepare for the last game of the tournament. While people were dozing and making the most of the lie-in prior to checking out Kirby was shocked to see that both him & his camel family were the subject of a programme all about Longleat Safari Park. The time of the first game approached and the Hornets were running late - fortunately one of the team had managed to accidentally bring back one of the opposition last night. He was swiftly dispatched to inform his colleagues that we'd be along shortly.
Thirty minutes later, to much heckling form the tannoy, the Hornets arrived to play their last scheduled game. Hornets vs Movie Stars W4-1 (Riley x2, Rogers, Norris). The Movie Stars must have been gutted that they hung on! Especially as we were as relentless as a tidal wave crashing on Robinson Crusoe's raft. Aido volunteered to go between the sticks to let Andy have a go at scoring a goal. The cunning plan paid off within the first 5 minutes. Jesus went straight up the other end and scoop-scuffed a blinder that slammed into the backboards. It looked like the Hornets were really going out with a bang! Norris added another trademark goal - trademark in that he missed about 15 before slotting it away. Everyone fancied a goal in this game or more likely couldn't be arsed with defending. This left the defending down to mainly Jules & Suzy - and didn't the muppet twins deliver!!! Uncharacteristic timing stick skills saw virtually every attack thwarted. Only the cheating combined attack of a 14 year old and an 11 year old broke through but this delivered the best goal of the tournament - screeching into the roof of the net passed the helpless Aido. Disappointing for Aidan who had certainly proved himself between the sticks with some masterful shot stopping & attacker munching. In amongst all this action, Simon Riley deftly dispatched a couple of goals to ensure that the result was never in doubt and to challenge for the top scorer's place - that he missed out on to Norris by just one goal!
With the game won and the Festival beaten it was time to make our customary goodbyes & find a venue for the end of tour meal. After checking with the locals - the less scary ones without banjos - we settled on a nasty chain restaurant called 'Brewsters' on the way back towards the motorway. The meal was just what was needed after three days of Purples and burgers it was a welcome relief. Brewster the bear came out to give out caps & hug the children and, on this occasion, the Hornets! As the meal drew to a close there was just enough time to get some funky balloon animals. Sadly the balloon experts were a bit rubbish and the expected results were somewhat different - a dodgy excessive necked giraffe, a horse with spinabiffada instead of a camel and a suit of armour that looked like a baby's basket and a crucifix!
And with that it was time to say our goodbyes and head off back everyone's respective homes. It would have been nice to have had a couple of extra days but some of us had tour reports to write and photos to upload to the website!
Important to remember though that this was the first ever silverware (or pottery-ware) for the Hornets - the Hornets were voted 'Team of the Festival'. As for the results, they speak for themselves:
| Team | P | W | D | L | F | A | Dif | Pts |
| Hornets | 8 | 5 | 2 | 1 | 29 | 12 | +17 | 17 |
Goals: Gareth Norris (9), Simon Riley (8), Andy Potapa (3), Aidan Brock (2), Jon Kirby (2), Melanie Carosi (2), Andy Rogers, Catherine Dwyer & Mark Jones (pf).
A very successful tour - the best ever results on tour and a trophy to boot! Could be a return visit next Easter but the travel bug has bitten and maybe the Hornets will be gracing a different venue every Easter from now on... watch this space. Thanks to all those who took part & congratulations on the brilliant results. <<<
MJ, Andy Potapa & Hannah Browster
01-May-03